Mormon Marriages

E04 - Clarity is Power with Super Bowl Champion, Setema Gali

Episode Summary

People are predictable. If I ask the question, "Do you want an incredible marriage or a mediocre marriage?" Everyone will answer, "I want an incredible marriage!" If I ask, "Do you want an extraordinary life or a boring life?" Everyone will answer, "I want an extraordinary life!" If I ask "Do you want to have meaningful friendships, a strong faith, a purposeful existence or... something else?" Nobody would choose the "something else." However, what you desire and what you're committed to are two very different things. If you really want to live the life you desire, it requires you to have two things: Clarity and commitment.

Episode Notes

Setema Gali is a world-class coach, speaker, trainer, and author of the book Winning After the Game.

He works with highly-committed individuals to identify the necessary required actions to create the kind of life they want.

Setema is also a Super Bowl Champion, an invested and attentive husband, and a committed father.

Check out his book Winning After The Game to learn how he's created a wealthy life after going bankrupt, losing everything, and even having to sell his Super Bowl Ring.

• 4:16 How Setema met and pursued his wife
• 6:25 They were best friends - he felt like he could not be without her
• 8:50 How they deal with conflict. They have a clear purpose in creating a happy marriage, and they do what it takes to build one despite arguments or disagreements
• 8:45 “I don’t want this. Let’s talk RIGHT NOW” Quickly overcome negativity, bitterness, anger, etc. Clean things up fast.
• 10:55 Clarity is power. If you are really clear on what you want, it is simple and easy to know what needs to be done to get it.
• 11:20 Believe it is possible to have an amazing marriage that works
• 12:35 An apology does not have to be an admission of guilt, but an opportunity to heal your partner.
• 12:50 You most often don’t hurt your partner on purpose, but it happens. Regardless of whether you meant it or not, it creates a gap in your relationship; a wound that needs to be healed.
• 13:25 When his wife said something that hurt him, his instinct was to shut down and pull away. Because of the clear agreement they have to confront and resolve quickly, he talked with her about it soon after. She had no idea she had hurt him, but she apologized. They hugged, cried and expressed love to each other and the issue resolved.
• 15:10 Ask for what you want and need
• 15:45 The happiest couples have a “low negativity threshold”
• 16:25 Live by agreements; not expectations. Be clear on your goals and purposes, but don’t hold your partner to perfection. This leaves room for being able to communicate your wants and desires.
• 18:15 Don’t be afraid to confront your spouse when something isn’t right. Do it with love, kindness and integrity.
• 18:50 If you ask couples what they really want in their marriage, few will be able to answer with a clear purpose.
• 19:35 Having a clear purpose helps to create and intentional and deliberate way of life.
• 20:20 Be committed to your dreams, goals, and visions. Focus on improving 1% each day.
• 22:05 You can have whatever kind of marriage you want. The marriage that you currently have is the marriage that you’ve chosen to create (for good or for bad). If it’s not what you want, then choose to change and create it.
• 23:00 Before having this type of conversation, set it up with an agreement and a clear purpose. “I want to have a conversation about how we can be better in our marriage, and I want you to be 100% open and honest with how you feel. Can you do that?”
• 23:50 These types of conversations take practice, but the more you do it, the more natural and quickly they can occur.
• 24:05 “What can I do better?”
• 25:05 “What do you want or need [in the home, in our marriage, with finances, sex etc]”
• 25:25 “What’s working?” “What’s not working?” “What’s missing?” “What’s next?”
• 26:50 What do I want in my marriage, and what is required of me to get it?
• 27:00 Effective communication is key
• 28:45 “Where are you at right now?”
• 29:05 Winning after the game
• 31:05 Be clear about what you want, and then be committed to achieving it.
• 31:35 Marriage is the most important thing for our country and for our world.
• 31:40 A happy couple can teach their kids the model of a healthy relationship
• 32:30 Wealth is beyond money
• 32:55 Happy families and happy homes breed powerful people
• 33:20 “Whatever you want, you can have. Whatever you have is your choice.”